Today is Mitchell's birthday. Since I don't plan to attend his birthday party tonight, I'm determined to the first to wish him a happy birthday in our iMessage group. I fumble at the keyboard, neurotically trying to type "Mitchell, happy birthday!" before anyone else, I fat-finger the Enter key midway. A message shoots across the air to all 32 members of the group with iMessage's classic ballon sound effect:
"mitchell"
There is no recall for messages in a group chat. A jolt of embarrassment shots from my scalp to my toes. I quickly finish typing and hit send again. In the end, my messages read:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
That's done, it's not too weird I hope. Less than a minute later, my phone buzzes. Jimmy sends his birthday wishes:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
Allan soon follows:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
Then Jeromy:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
Damn, I grin. That's actually pretty funny. I wait hoping to see it catches on further—and it does. Brent pops in:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
Then Alexis:
"mitchell" "Happy birthday!"
I almost laugh out loud—until all of a sudden Wyat crashes the party with his "kind wishes":
"HBD Mitchell!"
What a douchebag.
August 1, 2025 at home in Bothell, WA